Peer Pressure

A research work by Eileen Kristine S. Abarra


Peer pressure is when "friends" persuade you to doing something that you do not want to do. But maybe you want to do it, and you just don't have the courage to do it and your friends talk you into it. Peer Pressure can be broken down into two areas; good peer pressure and bad peer pressure.

Bad peer pressure is being coerced into doing something that you didn't want to do because your friends said that you should. Friends have a tendency to think that they know what is best for you, and if your friends are like some of ours, they always offer their opinion whether it is wanted or not Well, if friends are going to tell you what to do, what can you do about it? The most basic thing that you can do is to say "No, I don't wish to do that!" or if you want to do it, say "Yes, give me a try!"

For instance, if one of your friends offered you a cigarette, you might say "No, that just doesn't interest me." But being able to say no may not be the problem; the real problem arises when your friends repeatedly ask you to do something. This is where you have to be able to say to yourself, "I made a decision and I truly feel that my decision was the correct one", and then be able to express that repeatedly to all of your friends, and have enough respect for yourself to stand up and not give in. This seems like a difficult task, doesn't it? It takes a tremendous amount of will power to be able to stand up to the people that you know, trust, and respect ... your friends.

One of the major problems with peer pressure occurs when you get sucked into something that you really didn't want to do and subsequently, become addicted to it. Usually, people get backed into a situation to try illegal drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes and more times than not, these behaviors can become habit forming.

If and when someone comes up and offers you one of these substances, it is your decision whether you want to try or continue to use these substances. You should be prepared to make these decisions and to make a good decision you must be educated on that topic. For instance, say you were going to buy a stereo. You wouldn't just go out and pick the one that looked nice, you probably would go to the library and look into it. You might do some research in a few magazines, ask a few friends what they thought, go to the store and listen to each stereo through multiple speakers and finally make an educated decision. Before engaging in a specific situation, you should take the time to read about each one and the possible drawbacks before you decide to try or not to try anything.

Our reasoning behind not telling you what to do with each decision is because through out school, we were always told "Say NO to drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes." You see, we may have always been taught other people's opinions. We think that it is better that one finds out what will happen, how it will happen, and get whatever information that you need to make an educated decision. So, arm yourself with wisdom and knowledge and some decision making skills, so you can live your own life and finally accept the consequences of doing or not doing something.

Good peer pressure, on the other hand, is being pushed into something that you didn't have the courage to do or just didn't cross your mind to do. However, as you think about it, it seems like a good thing to do. Good peer pressure can also be a situation when your friends convince you not to do something you were going to do because it wasn't in your best interest. Some people say that good peer pressure is when you get pushed into something that you didn't want to do and it turned out well. Well, this may be nice, but ask yourself this question: how do you know "ahead of time" whether what you are doing will turn out good or bad? Can you? Most people can't, but if you can, your problems may be solved! When the time comes for you to make these big decisions, it is important to think before deciding. Take as long as you need just to think about whether you want to do it, think about whether you should, and finally think about the consequences. These are the important things that must be done before any big decision is made. Also, knowing who is asking you to do something helps you make the decision. If the person is not your friend, you should really consider what they want you to do, but if you know, trust and respect this person then you might seriously consider what they ask.

Why Do People Give in to Peer Pressure?

Some kids give in to peer pressure because they want to be liked, to fit in, or because they worry that other kids may make fun of them if they don't go along with the group. Others may go along because they are curious to try something new that others are doing. The idea that "everyone's doing it" may influence some kids to leave their better judgment, or their common sense, behind.

How to Walk Away From Peer Pressure

It is tough to be the only one who says "no" to peer pressure, but you can do it. Paying attention to your own feelings and beliefs about what is right and wrong can help you know the right thing to do. Inner strength and self-confidence can help you stand firm, walk away, and resist doing something when you know better.

It can really help to have at least one other peer, or friend, who is willing to say "no," too. This takes a lot of the power out of peer pressure and makes it much easier to resist. It's great to have friends with values similar to yours who will back you up when you don't want to do something.

You've probably had a parent or teacher advise you to "choose your friends wisely." Peer pressure is a big reason why they say this. If you choose friends who don't use drugs, cut class, smoke cigarettes, or lie to their parents, then you probably won't do these things either, even if other kids do. Try to help a friend who's having trouble resisting peer pressure. It can be powerful for one kid to join another by simply saying, "I'm with you - let's go."

Even if you're faced with peer pressure while you're alone, there are still things you can do. You can simply stay away from peers who pressure you to do stuff you know is wrong. You can tell them "no" and walk away. Better yet, find other friends and classmates to pal around with.

If you continue to face peer pressure and you're finding it difficult to handle, talk to someone you trust. Don't feel guilty if you've made a mistake or two. Talking to a parent, teacher, or school counselor can help you feel much better and prepare you for the next time you face peer pressure.

Peer Influence Isn't All Bad

You already know that the teen years can be tough. You're figuring out who you are, what you believe, what you're good at, what your responsibilities are, and what your place in the world is going to be.

It's comforting to face those challenges with friends who are into the same things that you are. But you probably hear adults — parents, teachers, guidance counselors, etc. — talk about peer pressure more than the benefits of belonging to a peer group.
You might not hear a lot about it, but peers have a profoundly positive influence on each other and play important roles in each other's lives:

•Friendship. Among peers you can find friendship and acceptance, and share experiences that can build lasting bonds.

•Positive Examples. Peers set plenty of good examples for each other. Having peers who are committed to doing well in school or to doing their best in a sport can influence you to be more goal-oriented, too. Peers who are kind and loyal influence you to build these qualities in yourself. Even peers you've never met can be role models! For example, watching someone your age compete in the Olympics, give a piano concert, or spearhead a community project might inspire you to go after a dream of your own.

•Feedback and Advice. Your friends listen and give you feedback as you try out new ideas, explore belief, and discuss problems. Peers can help you make decisions, too: what courses to take; whether to get your hair cut, let it grow, or dye it; how to handle a family argument. You might turn to your peers for all sorts of advice — even about intimate or potentially risky decisions like whether to have sex or try drugs.

•Socializing. Your peer group gives you opportunities to try out new social skills. Getting to know lots of different people — such as classmates or teammates — gives you a chance to learn how to expand your circle of friends, build relationships, and work out differences. You may have peers you agree or disagree with, compete with, or team with, peers you admire, and peers you don't want to be like.

•Encouragement. Peers encourage you to work hard to get the solo in the concert, help you study, listen and support you when you're upset or troubled, and empathize with you when they've experienced similar difficulties.

•New Experiences. Your peers might get you involved in clubs, sports, or religious groups. Your world would be far less rich without peers to encourage you try sushi for the first time, listen to a CD you've never heard before, or to offer moral support when you audition for the school play.

•Good Advice. Peers often give each other good advice. Your friends will be quick to tell you when they think you're making a mistake or doing something risky.

When the Pressure's On

Sometimes, though, the stresses in your life can actually come from your peers. They may pressure you into doing something you're uncomfortable with, such as shoplifting, doing drugs or drinking, taking dangerous risks when driving a car, or having sex before you feel ready.

This pressure may be expressed openly ("Oh, come on — it's just one beer, and everyone else is having one") or more indirectly — simply making beer available at a party, for instance.

Most peer pressure is less easy to define. Sometimes a group can make subtle signals without saying anything at all — letting you know that you must dress or talk a certain way or adopt particular attitudes toward school, other students, parents, and teachers in order to win acceptance and approval.

The pressure to conform (to do what others are doing) can be powerful and hard to resist. A person might feel pressure to do something just because others are doing it (or say they are). Peer pressure can influence a person to do something that is relatively harmless — or something that has more serious consequences. Giving in to the pressure to dress a certain way is one thing — going along with the crowd to drink or smoke is another.

People may feel pressure to conform so they fit in or are accepted, or so they don't feel awkward or uncomfortable. When people are unsure of what to do in a social situation, they naturally look to others for cues about what is and isn't acceptable.
The people who are most easily influenced will follow someone else's lead first. Then others may go along, too — so it can be easy to think, "It must be OK. Everyone else is doing it. They must know what they're doing." Before you know it, many people are going along with the crowd — perhaps on something they might not otherwise do.

Responding to peer pressure is part of human nature — but some people are more likely to give in, and others are better able to resist and stand their ground. People who are low on confidence and those who tend to follow rather than lead could be more likely to seek their peers' approval by giving in to a risky challenge or suggestion. People who are unsure of themselves, new to the group, or inexperienced with peer pressure may also be more likely to give in.

Using alcohol or drugs increases anyone's chances of giving in to peer pressure. Substance use impairs judgment and interferes with the ability to make good decisions.

Pressure Pointers

Nearly everyone ends up in a sticky peer pressure situation at some point. No matter how wisely you choose your friends, or how well you think you know them, sooner or later you'll have to make decisions that are difficult and could be unpopular. It may be something as simple as resisting the pressure to spend your hard-earned babysitting money on the latest MP3 player that "everybody" has. Or it may mean deciding to take a stand that makes you look uncool to your group.

But these situations can be opportunities to figure out what is right for you. There's no magic to standing up to peer pressure, but it does take courage — yours:

•Listen to your gut. If you feel uncomfortable, even if your friends seem to be OK with what's going on, it means that something about the situation is wrong for you. This kind of decision-making is part of becoming self-reliant and learning more about who you are.

•Plan for possible pressure situations. If you'd like to go to a party but you believe you may be offered alcohol or drugs there, think ahead about how you'll handle this challenge. Decide ahead of time — and even rehearse — what you'll say and do. Learn a few tricks. If you're holding a bottle of water or a can of soda, for instance, you're less likely to be offered a drink you don't want.

•Arrange a "bail-out" code phrase you can use with your parents without losing face with your peers. You might call home from a party at which you're feeling pressured to drink alcohol and say, for instance, "Can you come and drive me home? I have a terrible earache."

•Learn to feel comfortable saying "no." With good friends you should never have to offer an explanation or apology. But if you feel you need an excuse for, say, turning down a drink or smoke, think up a few lines you can use casually. You can always say, "No, thanks, I've got a belt test in karate next week and I'm in training," or "No way — my uncle just died of cirrhosis and I'm not even looking at any booze."

•Hang with people who feel the same way you do. Choose friends who will speak up with you when you're in need of moral support, and be quick to speak up for a friend in the same way. If you're hearing that little voice telling you a situation's not right, chances are others hear it, too. Just having one other person stand with you against peer pressure makes it much easier for both people to resist.

•Blame your parents: "Are you kidding? If my mom found out, she'd kill me, and her spies are everywhere."

•If a situation seems dangerous, don't hesitate to get an adult's help.
It's not always easy to resist negative peer pressure, but when you do, it is easy to feel good about it afterwards. And you may even be a positive influence on your peers who feel the same way — often it just takes one person to speak out or take a different action to change a situation. Your friends may follow if you have the courage to do something different or refuse to go along with the group. Consider yourself a leader, and know that you have the potential to make a difference.